Changes: Finding stability in unstable times.

As some of you may know, I'm starting a very new challenge/journey in the next few weeks. I'll be leaving my job, leaving the place that I've called home for 8 years, moving to a place that I've never called home, and going to a school where I know nobody. Typing that sentence felt a lot like repeatedly hitting the proverbial panic button... my heart is racing.

So, why the heck am I doing this to myself? I'm not sure. But part of me does believe that there is something beautiful to be discovered under this mound of uncertainty, change and challenge.

Today I want to talk about finding that beauty in the chaos that is change. It's not easy... my goodness it's not easy. During bouts of uncertainty, every sun that rises feels like just another fiery ball that you have to juggle. They say time heals everything ... but when everything is coming at you a mile a minute, time does the exact opposite. 

How do we freeze time? Well, unless we're Jesse Bradford in Clockstoppers, we can't. Instead, the best that we can do is slow down, adapt and enjoy the ride. Easier said than done, right?

So here are a few ways that I've started to find stability in the fun house that is my life right now.

1) Spending time alone. As the most extroverted extrovert in the tri-city area, this is very difficult for me. But more and more, I'm realizing that the moments I get to spend alone provide me with the time and space to actually THINK about what's going on in my life and what I have to be thankful for.

2) Fully experiencing my emotions. This is one that I learned from Tuesdays with Morrie (seriously guys, read it): “If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.” Yeah, what he said. If you feel scared, FEEL IT. If you feel worried, FEEL IT. And always give yourself the time and space to do so (see #1).

3) Lastly, revelling in the little moments. For me, this one is massive. I'm not only leaving a city, but I'm leaving a community, a comfort, people that I love. Now, I'm not going to Mars and I know that I'll be back, but there is something so unsettling about going to a place where if I have an emergency, I have no one to call. So I've been taking time to revel in every little moment ... running into old friends at Starbucks, enjoying a glass (or several glasses) of wine with good friends ... all of those familiar experiences that I take for granted and have taken for granted all of these years.

As the days pass and I near my inevitable big bang of chaos and uncertainty, these are the things that keep me moving, adapting and preparing for the challenges that lie ahead. Chaos is all around us, why not embrace it?

And when in doubt, "I give myself a good cry if I need it, but then I concentrate on all good things still in my life." - Tuesdays with Morrie

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

As I reclined in the passenger seat of my '07 Pontiac Vibe enjoying some much-needed rest and jamming with the BF to Darius Rucker's new album, I caught myself staring at the rear view mirror. As it blurred in and out of focus, I started to internalize the mirror's robotic slogan that we can all recite from memory: "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear".

This simple phrase has been around so long that to most of us it's just a string of meaningless letters. But if you think about it as something new ... perhaps a proverb or a chapter title in a Mitch Albom book, it starts to take a different, more meaningful shape.

Let me explain. We are so often inundated by quotes, cover photos and instagram/beautiful mess pics telling us to forget the past, never look back, throw off the bowlines, shoot for the moon, etc. etc. And yes, it's important to be forward-looking and strive to be better than the person that you were yesterday, but what about using the past to our advantage instead of forgetting it altogether?

This is where our all-caps Arial proverb comes into play. Can't it be argued that the past is always closer than it appears? And furthermore, in order to stop, turn, or change lanes on this highway that we call life, should we not be paying closer attention to the things behind us that have gotten us this far?

To be honest, I'm not sure. There are some parts of my past that I never want to think about for the rest of my life. But, then again, every single moment that I've experienced in my 25 years of life represents a thread, no matter how small, in the fabric of my being.

So today, I want you to think about those objects that you see when you look in your life's rear view mirror. Really look at them... no matter how far you want them to be in your past, take the time to truly see how close they are to the amazing person that you're becoming. Let them empower you to throw off the bowlines and *insert other boating analogy here*. Keep them with you as you grow with every experience, knowing that today is but tomorrow's yesterday... and each is equally important to who you truly are.

"We are a product of our past but we don't have to be prisoners of it." - Rick Warren

The Theories Series Vol. 3: Survivor flip cup and the Social Change Model.

Have you ever played Survivor Flip Cup? It is unbelievable. It's a flurry of outwit, outplay and outlast that's built on a beautiful foundation of beer and shouting. Which, coincidentally, are two of my favourite weekend things. I LOVE IT.

So today, in order to describe the Social Change Model of Leadership Development (SCM), we're going to play a game of Outwit.Outplay.Outflip. Please listen to this in the background while you read on...

The SCM is based on development in three distinct areas - Self, Group and Community. It aims to develop in people greater self-knowledge and leadership competence. Which exactly what drinking games ALSO do, right? This model, much like a game of Survivor Flip Cup, identifies the areas in which we can intentionally develop ourselves in order to create positive change and contribute to the greater good. In the case of this delightful drinking game, we intentionally develop ourselves in order to create the social change of more drinking and ridiculous amounts of fun. I know it's a stretch but TGIF, right?

Let's look at each section of the SCM and break it down, Jeff Probst style.

Individual Development: In the game of Survivor Flip Cup, it's essential to develop your skills and abilities... not only for yourself, but for the greater good of the team. Because, as we know, if you don't flip, your team goes to tribal council and you'll probably be voted off and cry in a corner for the rest of the night. You must focus (which is easier said than done after a few "social" beverages), become grotesquely aware of your flipping mechanics, and do everything in your power to be better than the worst person on your team.

Group Development: Not only are you trying to be at least second-worst, you also need to work the team... this is particularly important if you're newer to the tribe. You must be acutely aware of the subtleties of this survivor culture and attempt integrate yourself seamlessly, much like when Jeff Probst announces a TWIST and people have to swap buffs. Through integrating yourself, you work to identify what individual qualities that you must exhibit and develop (loud cheering, high fives, talking SMACK to the other tribe, etc.) to mesh with your team, work together and ultimately destroy your opponents.

Community Development: Last, but certainly not least, we must direct our efforts towards social ends and service activities that will develop our own personal abilities as well as contribute to the greater good. In Survivor Flip Cup, it's all about the community. You rise as a team, or you spend the whole night at Tribal Council, creating dirty alliances and fighting with each other. To win, you must rally together, level out the table if a fellow tribe-mate is 8-flipping, grab their cup in a frenzy if they flip it off the table, etc. - All to serve your team and the greater good of being able to rub it in your opponents' faces once you win.

So, friends, there you have it - I have successfully destroyed a beautiful leadership development model that I use in my professional work everyday by relating it to my much less professional weekend activities. You're welcome.

Hopefully this helped you breakdown the model just a bit and, if not, inspired you to get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions this weekend.

Happy Friday! As always, I leave you with a very fitting quote ... from the one and only JP:

"Survivor is about your own integrity and where you draw your own ethical and moral lines. There are no rules" - Jeff Probst

March Leadership Madness: A microcosm.

For as long as I can remember, I've been creating a bracket for March Madness. Ooo-ing and awhhh-ing at games, slamming my first when Duke loses or when the University of Hawaii upsets a top seed and, without fail, crying during the "One Shining Moment" montage that perennially follows the championship game.

I bet you have been too ... well maybe not the Duke part, pretty much everybody but me, and maybe J.J. Reddick, hates Duke.

While weeping at the red strike-outs that will inevitably litter your bracket, have you ever thought about what March Madness ACTUALLY is, in the grander scheme of things? If you haven't, don't fret because - spoiler alert! - I've figured it out.

MARCH MADNESS IS A MICROCOSM OF THE LIFE OF A LEADER.

Let me explain ...

1. March Madness demands the absolute best out of a team, every single time they step on the court. Much like in life, a good leader is always in the spotlight - they are expected to give their best every time they walk into the office or step onto the stage. And if they don't, they get overtaken by an unsuspecting underdog who wants it more, works harder for it, and outworks them. In this scenario, as a leader, be the underdog who wants it more and succeeds.

2. You must win to move on.  In leadership and in life, success almost always precedes progress. Not success in the way of money or fame. Success in the way of a job well done, giving absolutely everything that you have to something from beginning to end and having it recognized by the outcome. My old basketball coach used to say this to me every time I would throw the ball up at the net without focusing - COME ON CHRISTIE, SHOOT TO SCORE! The same thing goes in life - everything you do, do it to do it right and to the best of your ability... the wins will follow.

3. You must lose with grace. Ever noticed that at the end of the game, the cameras are never zeroed-in on the team that won? They almost always pan across the bench of the losers, hiding their tears under sweaty towels, lying on the ground and pulling their hair, or having a terrible-twos type of tantrum somewhere in the stadium. Always remember that when you lose, all eyes are on YOU. Losing with dignity goes much further than winning with dignity, especially later on when the dust has settled. People won't remember the score, but they WILL remember the idiot who threw 3 chairs into the audience (thank you, YouTube) because he missed his last few free throws.

4. If you lose, you're done. Now, I recognize that it's essential to "learn from failure", but let's look at each March Madness game as a year in the life of a leader (since the tournament is a condensed version of life...right?). I'm all for learning from your mistakes, but every failure has an expiration date. You only have  a finite amount of time to learn from whatever mistake it is that you've made and FIX IT. Much like a time-out in a March Madness game: teams focus on what's going wrong and then come back on the court ready to make it better.

5. And last, but certainly not least... Play your heart out, ALL THE WAY UNTIL THE END. We have all seen countless games decided in the last split-seconds of play. It aint over till it's over. Always remember to give everything you've got until the very last buzzer sounds and the whistle blows. Those dying moments expose true grit, true character, and true heart.

Remember, anything can happen in March Madness and in life. The way you sway the odds in your favour is through being prepared, working hard to succeed, losing with grace, learning from your mistakes (quickly!), and giving everything that you've got, right until the end.

So, I'll leave you with this: In this game that we call leadership and life, are you winning (please don't think about Charlie Sheen when I say that)? Or losing? If you feel like you're losing, take a time-out and figure out what you can do to make sure that the outcome is in your favour by the time the buzzer goes.

GO BLUE DEVILS.

Silver Linings Playbook: Achieving the trifecta of movie greatness.

OMG I saw Silver Linings Playbook last night. Yes, I know, "welcome to a month ago, Kath". But seriously,  WOW.

Now I'm no movie critic (my main reason for liking a movie is directly correlated to the number of times it makes me cry uncontrollably), but I'm pretty sure that this one was good ... Good Will Hunting good.

Although I'm no critic, I believe that this is one of those movies that can change you. It can make you believe, love, dream. I saw it almost 24 hours ago and can't get it out of my mind (partly because of Bradley Cooper... I mean COME ON). It grabbed onto something in my heart and hasn't let go. It truly achieved the Kathryn Christie Trifecta of Movie Greatness (patent-pending... KCTMG for short):

1. It made me cry tears of sadness AND tears of joy.
2. It RESPECTFULLY and accurately addressed a legitimate societal reality that is in need of attention.
3. It made me root for every character, "good" or "bad".

Let me explain ...

1. Movies that make me cry only tears of sadness are day-ruiners. Because the movie experience doesn't just end when the final credits roll. I weep for a good three hours afterwards (often longer) with no glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel... it's a hot, snotty mess that nobody wants to be a part of. You've gotta mix in a father-son moment or old people kissing/holding hands to get this girl's seal of approval. Silver Linings Playbook had a plethora of father-son moments AND some adorable moments between the mom and dad. STAMPED.

2. This movie talks about mental illness. A big, important elephant that sits in every room and that not nearly enough people acknowledge. So I want to throw up a HUGE high five to everyone involved in this film from the man who wrote the book to the actors ... I believe it was extremely well done. I believe that they did a wonderful job portraying the struggles and triumphs of those living with mental illness and the people close to them.

3. For me, the beauty of a great film is that, although there are always heroes and villains, everyone gets a chance at redemption. I, sometimes to a fault, always look for the good in people. I love a movie that does it too. At some points in SLP, you want to just KNOCK a character out. But, as people often do in real life, the character surprises you... I like that. It makes me smile (and cry, obviously).

So, to conclude, go see this movie if you haven't seen it yet. Talk about it, talk about mental illness, talk about love, talk about happy tears, talk about Bradley Cooper's dreamy eyes. Seriously, they are so dreamy.

“Good movies make you care, make you believe in possibilities again." - Pauline Kael

Saying no: When it's okay to be a "quitter".

So last week, as I was snowed into a hotel that's only amenity was a pre-teen infested public pool and a broken-down treadmill, I decided to watch 4 seasons of How I Met Your Mother, drink cheap wine and eat unnecessary amounts of goat cheese in my bed. Classy. While watching the episode of HIMYM where J.Lo has an epic cameo as the author of "Of course you're single, look at yourself, you dumb slut" (a self-help book that tells women to say "No" to empower them to get what they want... ie/ turn men into puppy-like servants ofcourse), I got to thinking about what it really means to be a nay-sayer.

So, here's what I think, J. LO.

I believe that saying "No" is a delicate art. Our dad's have always told us not to be quitters. "Quitters never win, winners never quit", yata yata yata. And Dad, I'm with ya. But sometimes, I truly do see the value of quitting. So, when does it make sense to turn on our heel and storm out, channeling our inner Brad from Happy Endings?

1) When your personal well-being is in jeopardy: I strongly believe that if you don't help yourself, you will never be able to help others. Our own personal well-being is absolutely paramount and too often overlooked. Now, I'm not saying that we should be selfish and only look out for numero uno, but once in a while, you gotta DO YOU. If anything at all is affecting your physical, mental or social health ... give it a good old "AW HAYLL NO." Trust me, you'll feel like a monumental weight has been lifted and it will benefit everyone involved, not just you.

2) When something doesn't feel "right": Ever get that feeling? That feeling that something is just ... off. Like when Cory and Topanga were ever in a fight, or when the Spice Girls tried to release an album without Ginger Spice? Yikes. Our instincts are way better than we give them credit for. When you feel uneasy, that often means that something is either a) happening that you don't morally agree with, b) someone you care about is going to be negatively affected by an anticipated outcome, or c) something is just straight WACK (click to 0:40 seconds).

3) When the input will not equal the outcome: This one is a little trickier. There's a theory in Organizational Behaviour called Equity Theory that equates an employee's satisfaction with the organization, their colleagues, etc. to an equal ratio of their inputs (efforts) and the perceived outcomes (rewards) related to their input. If they put a lot of effort into something and receive very little outcome, their satisfaction will be low and, somewhat surprisingly, if they put very little effort into something and receive a large outcome, they will also be dissatisfied. So, with this one, I encourage us all to channel our inner Miss Cleo and see the future outcomes of our efforts. Do your best to balance your efforts with your outcomes and if you know that something is going to work the hell out of you for little to no outcome (or vice versa) give it a big N-to-the-O.

Anyhoo, that's enough for today. Remember that there is always a place and a time to say "yes", and most definitely a place and a time to say "no". Also, say "no to drugs" ... that one's for you, Dad.

"The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes." - Tony Blair

Mind your P's and Q's: kindness does not mean weakness.

OKAY, so I get that I am a woman and with that, comes business-world-related issues. Glass ceiling/ inequality/ etc. etc. But that doesn't mean that I am going to change who I am to become some testosterone-slinging female version of Simon Cowell.

Female Simon Cowell

Why the rant, Kath?

Well, I read an article about how women say sorry to much and, to sugar coat it, it PISSED ME OFF.

I understand that women, in our nature, may be more empathetic and more concerned about the well-being of others... jeez, we're the worst. But how exactly are those faults? How are they crippling gender-specific shortcomings? I, personally, love the fact that I am empathetic and that my gal pals are too.

I also understand that we are all responsible for our own fate and we cannot use the fact that we are women and we "deflect conflict" or whatever as a crutch in the workplace. I GET THAT, I really do. But, for those of you who know me, you'll know that I'm not one to make excuses for pretty much anything. I get frustrated, I get focused, and I figure it out.

With that being said, I'd like to venture a new hypothesis about women in the workplace. Maybe it isn't the kind, loving women who need to change who they are and become a constant version of our pre-menstrual selves... maybe it is the culture in the workplace that needs a little tweaking. Maybe we could all benefit from being a bit more compassionate and empathetic from 9-5. To all the dudes out there, this is NOT intended to bash you - I think you're great and I think you should keep on doing what you do, because you are a HUGE asset to the workplace.

What I do intend to do, is motivate all of the women out there to do what my father always told me to do: Kill them with kindness. Yes, maybe being nice won't propel you up the corporate ladder faster than you can say "I'm sorry", but I promise you that it will pay off in the end... in more ways than one.

I'm nice. And I'm okay with that... you should be too.

So, to the person who wrote that article and to all of the others who have written similar ones, I'd like to say:

I'm SORRY for being a nice woman who cares about people in the workplace; and

THANK YOU for motivating me to be even nicer. Also, you're great and I'm sure you didn't write that article with the intention of hurting my feelings. I forgive you.


"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia

See ya never 2012: The best is yet to be.

Happy new year everyone! Best wishes, health and happiness, beauty and wonder, all the best, yata yata yata.

For all of you who had an absolutely earth-shaterringly magnificent 2012, this post might not be for you.

BUT, for those of you who wouldn't mind stealing 2012's lunch money and shoving it in a locker, join the club.

The wonderful thing about celebrating the "New Year", which is simply celebrating the fact that 365 days have passed, is that we can make it whatever we want to make it. For me, I like to see it as an anniversary of "firsts". Some of my firsts, such as my first jagerbomb or my first d-floor make out, are inconsequential in the great scheme of things ... I mean they were great, but let's think big picture here. Some firsts though, can and have been monumental moments. First steps in a new direction. Many years in my life have come and gone without much acknowledgement, sometimes because I've been a few sodas deep by the time midnight hit and sometimes because, well, I didn't need a reason to give the previous year a swirly and hope for a better one to come. But, my friends, this year I did. And I'm here to tell you that if you did too, this is our chance to take back what is ours. Our chance for a "first" ... our chance for a first step in the right direction.

I truly believe that once in a while, the universe decides that you need to make an epic change... That you need a personal TSN turning point. Now, we know that in order for a sports team to warrant said turning point, they basically need to hit rock bottom and then, like an ice cold Gatorade waiting in the fridge after a big night out, something saves them. I believe that these are the big monumental moments in our lives - the firsts that we'll tell our grand-kids about when we're old and have nothing else to say that they'll find interesting. These are the times when the universe has knocked us down, kicked us in the kidneys and yelled 'Yo Mama' jokes at us until we couldn't take it any more. And then, December 31st arrives and we have the beautiful opportunity to stand up, look the past year right in the face, turn our back on it, and move ON.

So, my friends, this is it - this is your chance to dramatically walk away from a year that may have bullied you a little more than you planned for. Stand up, muster up whatever energy you have, turn on your heel, and start marching. Left, right, left, right.

Let's not pass up this amazing chance to regain control ... the new year truly can bring you hope, wonder and beauty, you just have to get off your ass and take the first step towards it.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao-Tzu

"This too shall pass": the power of positivity.

As some of you may know, my fortune in the health department over the past month or so has been, well, unhealthy. Due to my inability to do anything active and my complete lack of hobbies that aren't sports, I spent an unnerving amount of time inside my head. In this seeming eternity, I discovered a few things about a few things.

First, it is absolutely impossible to do completely nothing and keep your mind blank... and can someone please explain this to my doctor? It CANNOT BE DONE.

Secondly, it is absolutely impossible to be positive all of the time. Even if you are the kind of person who eats rainbows and sunshine for breakfast.

Lastly, you cannot even attempt to be positive without a little help. This, my friends, is where your friends come in. Your support network. What is that? You might ask. It is comprised of the people who are there to believe in you when you can't believe in yourself.

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." - Bernard Meltzer

 These people are your "phone a friend" lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?: Life Edition. Don't worry, I'm not going to rhyme off a bunch of stupid clichés about friendship (except the quote that I just rhymed off... and the one right before that).

The moral of the story is that sometimes life makes you eat a big sh*t sandwich, maybe even several of them. Sometimes life's bad, AND it sucks. On those days, above all, lean on the people who are either going to a) tell you to stop being a baby and change out of the big underpants that you've worn for 5 days, b) split the sh*t sandwich in half and help you eat it, or c) sit in the life ER with you after you've eaten the sh*t sandwich and wait by your side until you've been seen by the doctor.

For example, an awesome note from Dad last week.

With this, I encourage everyone to think about a few things ... Who is on your "phone a friend" list? Do they know that they are? If not, let them know. It will make their day AND it will prepare them for the inevitable shi*t burger that they'll have to eat with you at some point down the road. Who's list are you on? If you aren't sure, are there a few people that you should reach out to and say, "HEY, when the golden arches of life hand you a McSh*t, I'll share it with you"? 

Take a moment inside your head and do a few loads of life laundry. In the long run, it will pay off for you and for the people you love.

Mo' mo's, mo' problems?: not this time, P. Diddy.

So here's the thing about November. Aside from the fact that the 'N' has been changed to an 'M', dudes all around us are trying to look like Ron Swanson and, well, failing miserably.

BUT, aside from the constant crap that I give my BF about his stringy soup strainer, I must say that I'm intrigued by this entire phenomenon ... It got me to thinking (and channelling my inner P. Diddy), do mo' mo's mean mo' problems?

PS Check out their sweet mo's!

What I'm trying to say is, Movember is an absolutely wicked concept. Guys, who historically don't do a lot of active fundraising (no offense to all the "Ron"nabee's out there .. get it? Wannabe?), are working their asses off to raise money for an incredible cause. But, there's always another side of the coin - are people just growing 'staches because everyone else is? Because it's cool to look like a teen sex offender? Now, the tiny little cynic inside of me initially thought that this excitement of trying to grow a cool mo' would overshadow the real reason behind Movember. Luckily, that little cynic was recently knocked the eff out by my inner moustachio after witnessing all of the incredible sharing, comraderie and overall CARE that dudes have been exhibiting this month.

So, I say to you P. Diddy (and Ma$e, but who remembers him anyways?) ... this time, Mo' mo's mean less problems. We are lighting a dirty-duster fire on the upper lips of the dudes of our generation, which is not an easy task, since it has always been "cool to be dumb" and say "Whatever" as often as possible. So let's jump on this stubbly wave and ride it as long as we can.

Which leads me to my point of the week: I am sincerely thrilled to be exactly where I am at this moment - we should all be. Not only can we be part of the amazing Movember fundraising campaign that is igniting our inner Tom Selleck, but we are also alive in a time where simply telling our razors that we want to see other people can move mountains.

So, to the guys out there ... THANK YOU, for taking part in this wonderful campaign and being okay with girls cringing at the sight of your upper lip. And, to everyone - be proud of what this month has accomplished and keep doing whatever you can to support your loved ones, friends and community as a whole ... Mo' mo's? Yes please.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

Concussion day 11: why you shouldn't be a leader while concussed.

In the past 11 days, this is what I have learned.

Ponytails hurt. I am really good at making soup when I'm bored. I'm shockingly capable of sleeping all of the time. And last, but certainly not least, you really should not be a leader when you have a concussion ...

Here is why.

It is very difficult to keep track of your belongings. As a leader, being organized is always helpful. Particularly when you need to keep track of people, things and thoughts. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to remember to go pick something up from the bank that is literally 100 metres from my apartment ... Mission: Impossible.

It is very difficult not to cry at all times. Seriously, my eyes feel like a water fountain in the desert: overused. I cannot STOP them from excreting tear drops. As a leader, emotional management is paramount, particularly in moments of uncertainty and stress. For example, when your lovely boyfriend offers to drive the car so that you don't have to, it is not appropriate to start bawling as if he just bought you a puppy, let you fall in love with it, then ripped it out of your hands and gave it away to someone who doesn't even like dogs.

It is very difficult to do anything useful when you are by yourself all of the time. As the transformational leadership theory notes, both leaders and followers advance each other to higher levels of effectiveness, motivation, morale, etc. This could not be more true. It is so important to surround yourself with people who can make you better. While sitting alone in my apartment cave, I have been outrageously unproductive ... aside from the vats of soup that are in my freezer. Without the energy of others, I have done a fraction of what I am capable of on any given day.

All in all, many leadership lessons can be learned through boredom, injury and just plain bad luck. And, as always, I like to look at life events through a leadership lens to help gain perspective. So, I encourage you to do the same - especially those of you whose brains are not bruised ... I'm sure you'll come up with what I did and then some. Also, I must warn you: if this concussion goes on much longer, there is a strong possibility that I might go bananas, buy a lot of cats and start collecting porcelain clowns ... I guess time will tell. Kidding. Or am I?

"Find beauty in the ordinary and you'll find joy in unexpected places."

Concussed: ramblings from a bruised brain.

On Saturday, I got a concussion and it rocked me ... literally. Where did I put my water bottle? I had to go to the hospital (BLEH) and, sadly, we didn't see any hilariously-drunken-slutty pumpkins with broken toe nails in the ER. So, now that my week has gotten off to a very slow and painful start, below are the ramblings of my bruised brain and yes, this is the best I can come up with. Has anyone seen my scarf?

In my concussed state, I have realized that compassion and empathy are very powerful. Even the little 10 year olds that I coach have been absolutely wonderful with me, which leads me to thank their parents for modelling compassion and understanding to them at such a young age - they're going to go far because of it.

Wallet... check. Phone... check. Keys... DAMNIT.

In addition, I have also realized that I take my brain for granted. So, we shouldn't do that. Be thankful for the powerful machine that you have up in your noggin and keep it safe. It is incredible what a little shake-up can do to your ability to process information ... seriously, where the hell is my water bottle?

I have also realized that driving takes a lot more focus that I previously thought. My road rage is at an all-time high and Hurricane Sandy is not helping anything... which navigates me to my next point: we should never underestimate the power of things that we cannot control. It's humbling and terrifying all at the same time. Head nod to Mother Nature... I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. Also, I think someone stole my scarf.

And lastly, a comment re: Halloween. It's awesome to see how excited people get about it... no matter how young or how old. So I say "way to go Halloween!" for re-igniting the child within all of us, letting us eat candy without (a lot of) guilt, and giving us a great reason to strike up conversations with strangers dressed like pirates. I'm so thirsty.

Alrighty, there you have it. My brain is bruised. Talk soon, hopefully when I've regenerated a considerably larger number of brain cells.

Ignite Waterloo: losing control to gain control?

On Tuesday, I participated in an event called Ignite Waterloo, where you have to do a 5 minute speech that involves 20 slides timed for exactly 15 seconds each ... that you can't control.

At the beginning, when I was accepted to speak, I thought that my only problem would be figuring out how to speak for ONLY 5 minutes ... as we all know, I have trouble shutting up at the best of times. But, as I began preparing my speech about childhood wisdom, I realized that the problem wasn't what to say, when to say it or how to say it ... the problem was that I COULDN'T CLICK THE SLIDES MYSELF. It drove me absolutely bananas.

Then, it hit me ... I have serious control issues, that I will blame/thank(?) my father for. For example, during a massage (which, in theory, should be relaxing), my RMT said to me, "You know that you resist me a lot, right? Could you maybe just try to relax?"... then I heard the flush of my $90 going down the toilet. I can't even give control over my back muscles to a REGISTERED PROFESSIONAL for a mere 60 minutes. As my Mom says, I am my father's daughter (context: my Dad doesn't let any of us hold our passports when we go on vacation. My brother is 27 and I am 24 and my mother is well, a mother ... starting to make sense now? Thought so.).

I digress, in a lot of leadership situations, the need for control is an asset. But, as I learned over my past few weeks of presentation prep-induced anxiety, in some situations it can be a colossal hindrance.

So, this leads me to my revelation of the week. Having "control issues" is not a crutch to lean on. It is something that we can use to our advantage in order to regain control of an often overlooked area of leadership: ourselves. Sometimes, to regain control of ourselves as leaders we need to relinquish our control over everything else. As I worked on perfecting my speech to go along with timing that was out of my reach I realized that, without having control over the situation, the only person I could control was myself. Moreover, through relinquishing my situational stronghold, I had the ability to focus solely on my performance and be the best version of ME that I could be in that moment.

Talk about an A! HA!

So this week, my challenge is to relinquish your control and focus on yourself. Let someone else take the reins and see how you adapt. BUT please, don't go all "Jesus, take the wheel" on me ... I can assure you that Carrie Underwood is full of crap. Not only will you surprise yourself with your ability to - very agonizingly, in my case - relinquish control, but you will also surprise yourself with the things that you can learn along the way.

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power." - Lao Tzu

P.S. If you want to see my speech ... here it is!

Sharing is caring: you are what you tweet

For those of you who know me, you won't often see me updating my Facebook status to something laden with sarcasm and political opinions. Well, maybe the sarcasm part. But, I don't really fancy myself as someone who is a politics-buff in any way shape or form.

THAT being said, I do want to comment on what's been going on these past few weeks ... not regarding politics themselves, but mainly about my news feed and Twitter feed. I would like to mention the amazing intellectual and analytical ability that my fellow facebookians/tweeps have. It is truly incredible. Yes, my friends are all geniuses. But seriously, we need to give our generation some credit for being well-informed and actually INTERESTED in what is going on in this world ... I love it. So today, let's think about how we can use this potential to make change and create something meaningful that is bigger than just our social media musings.

Therefore, without further ado, I have come up with a few status updates of my own in response to what has been has been going on with the Presidential debates, as well as Dalton's abrupt resignation.

"Dear Generation,

Hey, it's me ... just wanted to say that you are incredibly eloquent when you put your mind to it. So, I say we focus on communicating with each other in the same intelligent way that we communicate our thoughts and jokes about how Mitt Romney's first name is Mitt. Let's avoid using the power of the internet for bullying and degrading ourselves willingly via photos, self-deprecating jabs and inappropriate comments. Instead, let's prove to everyone else that we, the soon-to-be leaders of this world, have valuable, relevant things to say that worth listening to.

Sincerely,
Let's make Ms Frizzle Proud"

"Talking about the #liberalparty with my intelligent peers! Our valid opinions will be sent to a local party representative repeatedly until we receive a response #takingaction"

We, as a generation, have an incredible amount of power. We have access to the entire world at the drop of a tweet. We can access news and information in such real-time that we know what's happening before the news stations do. Back in the day, when somebody wanted to send a message to thousands of people to get them behind a movement or a cause, they had to WALK and knock on doors to do so. We can now reach thousands in mere seconds through 140 characters and a catchy hashtag.

So today, I want us to think about the power that we have at our fingertips. Yes, continue sharing whatever you would like on FB and Twitter, I'll read it and I'll enjoy it. But also, share your passions, your aspirations and your desire for change. This is my call to action. We are all leaders merely because we have instantaneous access to a massive audience at any time of the day ... let's start using this power for good, for change. We can and we should ... because if we don't, no one will.

In the wonderful words of Gandhi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world".

Getting lost: navigating our stress-induced alter egos

Last weekend, I travelled to Boston with my wonderful family... in a car. Now, if you've never been to Boston you're probably thinking "Wow, lucky girl ... that sounds like it was full of rainbows and candycanes!" But, if you have ever been anywhere near Boston or listened to someone's colour commentary about their experience, you're probably thinking "Is Kath blogging from the grave? Is Long Island Medium writing this post for Kath?".

Well, friends ... don't worry, it's actually me ... not that wild Medium who's big blonde hair is definitely full of secrets.

BUT, it was a close call once we started getting lost.

So, after the epic screaming/crying/arguing match that my darling family had for approximately 45 straight minutes in our car in the middle of Boston, I got to thinking about why I turn into the female version of angry George Costanza when things get stressful. And, moreover, why we all experience a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde roller coaster of emotions in these situations.

Well, we all know that stress makes us do very weird things and act in ways that are often opposite to our regular selves. In order to combat this, I've thought up some ways to avoid turning into our bizzarro selves when faced with stress ...

1. Find your hot button (get your minds OUT OF THE GUTTER...you know what I mean). Take a step back from the situation and try to identify exactly what triggered your unfamiliar emotion. For example, the woman's voice (I call her B*#&HFACE) on the GPS machine is officially my kryptonite.

2. Try to decrease the impact of the aforementioned trigger. If it is a certain person that's aggravating you, gently try to decrease the impact on your emotions ... Luckily, when we were in Boston, I was able to mute the god damn GPS before I lit it on fire and threw it out the window.

3. It sounds cliche, but BREATHE. Just breathe. It is amazing how closely related our emotions are to our physiological state. By simply paying attention to our breathing, our heart rate slows and, as a result, we become more relaxed. Try to sit more comfortably, relax your shoulders, listen to your breathing.

4. Last, but certainly not least, check your attitude! As the old saying goes, "We cannot direct the wind, but we can always adjust our sails". Take a moment ... take stock of your perspective and try to find a different way to look at things. If I had just sat back and appreciated the fact that I was spending time with three of the most important people in my life, we would have shared a lot more laughs and a lot less "OH WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP?"s.

So, as you go through the ridiculous ups and downs that life throws your way, remember your hot buttons (even the dirty ones - if your mind is still in the gutter), be action-oriented, take control of your physiological state and, most importantly, lose the tude and find a silver lining.
"If you don't like something, change it; If you can't change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit

The top ten BEST ways to lose your leadership credibility on homecoming weekend

Happy eve of homecoming eve everyone! In honour of homecoming (for many schools) this weekend, I would like to share my version of a David Letterman top ten (please picture me gap-toothed ... not very hard for those who knew me pre-braces ... as a pre-teen, you could've driven a truck through the space between my front teeth).

Now, as I know that most people will be indulging in a few sodas, let's talk about all of the things that we can do to lose our leadership credibility this weekend and, well, any time we are off the clock.

10. Be THAT guy. At any event - be it homecoming, the office holiday party, your nephew's bar mitzvah -there is always ONE guy that everyone talks about the next day. If you want to lose your leadership credibility, be THAT guy. Put the proverbial lampshade on your head. Break everything in sight. Do NOT hold back.

9. Be awful at small talk. Listen carefully ... this is essential if you want to kick your credibility to the ground. As you will be reuniting with a lot half-friends-half-acquaintances-half-people-you-don't-recognize-but-probably-made-out-with this weekend, make sure that you suck at small talk. Avoid being excited to see them, asking them about their life, or even better, pretend you don't remember them. This will definitely knock your credibility down a few notches. Do everything in your power to shave a few people off your network ... I mean seriously, networking is for idiots anyways... right?

8. Yell profanities. A sure-shot way to toss your reputation in the gutter is by having a potty mouth. The football game is a perfect location to let your terrible tongue loose ... particularly when yelling at the other team. Don't hold back, those varsity athletes who are probably fitter, smarter and better looking than you DEFINITELY deserve it.

7. Talk to as many university staff members as possible. If swearing like a sailor didn't do it, this definitely will. Make sure you've played an unreasonable amount of flip cup, then approach as many university staff members as you can find and tell them about all of your ideas to improve your alma mater ... starting with your GENIUS idea about replacing all classes with a school-wide, year-long beer pong tournament.

 6. Take your pants off.

5. Or, alternatively - Rip your pants right in the crotch area, and then keep them on.

4. Get stopped by campus police or, even better, regional police. Nothing says "I'm a tool and no one should ever hire me" like getting into it with an officer of the law. Extra points if you hit on them in the process.

3. Be the reason why people are chanting something disgusting. For example, "EAT-THE-POOP! EAT-THE-POOP". This one needs no explanation.

2. Misplace your shoes before noon.

And .... the number one BEST way to lose your credibility on homecoming weekend isssss...

1. Fall asleep in public. Extra deductions go to anyone who does so prior to sundown.

So there it is, the top ten ways to lose every ounce of dignity you have in a matter of 2 days. Please do not do any of these things this weekend and ... Please, for the sake of your future, think twice before you eat the poop.

Happy homecoming!

"It takes twenty years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." - Warren Buffett

The Theories Series Vol 2: Doing dishes with the Leadership Challenge

Welcome back to the Theories Series (eries-eries-eries). Today we're going to tackle the Leadership Challenge, a 5-pronged leadership approach (the 5 practices of exemplary leadership) that is based on the Leadership Practices Inventory (LPI). The LPI was compiled by this theory's creators, Kouzes and Posner, who surveyed a LOT of people and asked which were the top seven traits that they look for in a leader, admire in a leader, and ultimately, would follow a leader for.


Now, I could list these 5 practices, provide you with a powerpoint presentation and ask that you take notes and fill in the blanks ... but instead, like that awesome fourth grade supply teacher that let you watch Rudy for the whole class, I'm throwing out the lesson plan.

We are going to talk about dating. More specifically, about dating someone who is messy. Disclaimer: I am not a dating expert. Trust me. Please do not take any of this as dating advice.

Also, I apologize to the messy people out there but honestly ... why do you hate doing dishes so much?

I digress, today we are going to discuss how to get your counterpart to do the dishes ... inception style.

Step 1: LOVE doing the dishes. Now, this may seem counter-intuitive, but the most important first step in getting down to the dream within a dream within a dream within a dream level is to Model the way. You need to do the hell out of those dishes. If you want your significant oth to do them right after dinner, do them right after dinner ... dance around, splash bubbles, make it like a Christina Aguilera video if you have to. Do whatever you need to do to show that you love doing the dishes (almost) more than you love your partner.

Step 2: Share the possibility of one day, living in a filth-free house ... say things like, "That's the world that, some day, we can live in." This step is called Inspire a shared vision. Now that you have shown how wonderful it is to do the dishes, you must share your vision and reasoning behind this love of an empty sink. The most important part of this step is to share the "whys" ... your dish-dirtying partner must understand WHY we should do the dishes soon after they are soiled, and it's got to mean something to them. For example, if they hate getting sick, explain why leaving crusty food in the sink spreads bacteria and makes us sick.

Step 3: This step is the trickiest. In this step, you need to give up some of your power ... don't worry, we can do this together, I have control issues and this step is very difficult for me too. You must Challenge the process. Ask your partner (nicely) if they have any suggestions about how to improve the dish-doing process... "Heyyy love-bug, do you think there's a way that we can do the dishes more efficiently? I would love to hear your suggestions... did I mention that your face is perfect and you smell like rain?" Try new things, don't be afraid to fail and always, always try them together.

Step 4:  Trying it as a team is the first stage of this next step ... Enable others to act. You must understand that, as a seasoned veteran of the dish-cleaning consortium, you are extremely good at it. Your partner may not be able to make doing the dishes look like an episode of 24 in fast-forward. Try doing the dishes together, teach them ways to do them more quickly, and then empower them to do dishes on their own. Build your partner's confidence, congratulate then when it's done well... challenge them! "Poo bear, why don't you hop up and do the dishes during this commercial break of 24? Wow, you totally look like a hotter version Jack Bauer up there at the sink!" etc. etc.

Step 5: This is the last and final step ... and arguably the most crucial one if you really want to bury the dish-doing desire in the deepest stores of your partner's dreams: Encourage the heart. Be sincere and caring (I'm sure you always are, so this is just a gentle reminder). Hide your filthy-sink frustrations and encourage them. Celebrate their successes and value their contributions to your vision of a world with clean, sparkling dishes drying on the dish rack.

So, there it is ... 5 steps to a dirty-dish-free kitchen, and the specifics of the Leadership Challenge theory. This belongs on Pinterest in the DIY section.

And, to change things up a bit ... hah ... here's a quote from the Leadership Challenge book (read it if you get a chance!),

“Leadership is a relationship between those who aspire *you* and those who choose to follow *your partner*… A leader-constituent relationship that’s characterized by fear and distrust will never, ever produce anything of lasting value. A relationship characterized by mutual respect and confidence will overcome the greatest adversities and leave a legacy [of clean dishes].” - The Leadership Challenge

The theories series volume 1: Situational leadership would you rather.

As previously announced via S Club 7 references (sidebar: S Club 7 is now following me on Twitter because of that last post... it's okay to be jealous), this week I am beginning the first volume of the Theories Series in order to make leadership theories make sense.

Volume 1: We will begin the series by talking about the ever-quoted Situational Leadership Theory. Originally "coined" by Paul Hersey and Ken Blanchard in the swingin seventies, the SLM dictates that there is no single "best" style of leadership. And thus, the most successful leaders are those who can adapt their style to the ever-changing environmental conditions that surround them. Furthermore, the theory rests on two fundamental concepts: leadership style and the "maturity level" of any given group/individual that is being led.

Now, at it's core, this theory seems quite simple. But, once we begin to unpack the different leadership styles and what a "maturity level" entails (no, unfortunately they are not talking about people who laugh hysterically at fart jokes vs. people who don't appreciate potty humour) things can become convoluted.

So instead of boring you all to tears with technical leadership babble and too many "et. al"s to count, we are going to play a game of Would You Rather. Here we go...

You are Lliam Neeson's daughter in the movie Taken. You are young, inexperienced, and very naive. Several large, hideous men have just broken into your apartment in France...

WOULD YOU RATHER ... 1) Papa Lliam phones you and asks you how you are feeling, supports you through these emotions and then works with you to decide your course of action together; OR 2) Papa Lliam says "Listen to me. You are going to be taken. I need you to do the following things and focus..."

The first option is the "Participating" leadership style and is often effective if the group or individual at the "Capable but Unwilling" maturity level. The group/individuals need guidance and support in order to take responsibility for the completion of their task. The second option (your choice, I assume), is an example of the "Telling" leadership style, paired with the "Unable and Insecure" maturity level. This style is most used in situations where the group or individuals being led lack necessary skills or are unable to complete the task at hand.

Okay ... next one - You are a good public speaker who has being speaking in front of groups for years. You are ready to take your career to the next level and seek out an experienced motivational speaker to help you progress.

WOULD YOU RATHER... 1) Your new leader listens to every presentation that you deliver, then sits you down and explains to you all the things you could do to improve, OR 2) Your new leader focuses on getting to know you and where your confidence comes from, helps you build a network and leads you to find the best ways to deliver your message.

The first option demonstrates the "Selling" leadership style, often most effective with the "Unable and Willing" level of maturity, which focuses on providing direction and support to enthusiastic learners. The second option (more favourable here), is an example of the "Delegating" style of leadership as it allows the "Capable and Confident" individual to take responsibility for their growth while being supported by their leader along the way.

Hopefully, the above examples have shown you the different situational leadership styles - Telling, Selling, Participating and Delegating in action and how they interact with the different maturity levels - Unable but insecure, Unable and willing, Capable but unwilling, Capable and confident. Another important thing to note is that, depending on the task, an individual or group can have a different level of maturity. It all depends on the SITUATION at hand.

So, next time you find yourself in any situation that calls upon your leadership ... think of what your team member would rather given their task-specific abilities and needs, instead of choosing your leadership approach based on your own abilities and needs ... you'll be surprised by what you come up with.

And, as always, I will leave you with a quote that sums up this theory in a wonderful way ...

"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails." - Bertha Calloway

Introducing... The Theories Series

Good afternoon fellow leaders! I hope that you had a riveting weekend and are already off to a good start by kicking serious leadership ass this week ...

Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? I have just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story and I need all of you to pay attention: There are 6 million leadership theories out there and most sound like an S Club 7 song montage ... don't believe me? Check out these vids:

Believe me now? (if not, please also refer to "Gonna Change the World")

I digress, since leadership theories can be very daunting in their breadth and depth, I am launching the SYTYC-lead THEORIES SERIES (eries-eries-eries).

Stay tuned for this week's first post that will make the Situational Leadership model make sense, with very sparing use of S Club 7's lyrical genius.

"Don't stop, never give up, hold your head high and reach the top. When the world seems to get too tough, bring it all back to you." - The 'genius' who wrote S Club 7's music.

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Passion poutine: the fries, curds and gravy of leadership.

In honour of the grand opening of Smoke's Poutinerie in Waterloo, I decided to delve a little deeper into what makes this food so delightful ... and why throngs of people young and old are taking the plunge into this world of savoury lunchtime goodness and afternoon office-comas.

What is so great about poutine? And what does it have to do with effective leadership? (Keep in mind that I'm talking about REAL poutine, not the mushy brown slop that they serve you at fast food joins ... yeah Burger King, I'm talkin' to YOU). 

Let's eat ...

The fries: Fresh, but familiar. Crisp, yet soft on the inside. Warm, but not so hot that they disintegrate the very structure of your mouth... well, at least if you're patient. Being an effective leader is not so different from this sturdy vehicle that escorts curds and gravy to the exclusive parties hosted by our post-bar taste buds.

As a leader, you must bring forth fresh and new ideas ... yet ensure that these ideas don't rock the boat so much that they cause fear and distrust. You must also have a tough, crisp exterior when needed, but a soft, compassionate heart to back it up. And lastly, you must be just the right temperature to keep your team close without pushing them away.

Now, what about the toppings?

The curds: Unique, but strong. An acquired taste, but widely loved. Different, yet familiar.

As a leader, being different is essential ... but you must delicately walk the line between being so unique that you're one double-joint away from Cirque de Soleil and being so generic that people mistake you for Keanu Reeves. Cheese curds are different, but we can still identify with them as a unique subset of the familiar, wonderful world of dairy. Be unique, blaze your own trail ... just be sure to blaze one that others can also follow.

And lastly ...

The gravy: The pièce de résistance (yes, I still remember that ALT+130 makes a french accent). Rich, smooth, creamy. The delicate glue that holds the dish together. Too much of it, and you end up with chunky soup that is the temperature of the sun. Not enough of it, and the cheese curds don't warm up, leaving you with cold, squeaky cheese and exposed fries.

As a leader, your actions and words are the glue that holds the team together. You must work to bind people to each other in a meaningful way, all while walking the tight rope between too much and too little. If you provide too much direction, you will drench individuality and create a soupy mess of "yes" people. But, if you provide too little direction you will have a cardboard container full of people that don't mesh and can't deliver a cohesive, well-balanced product.

As you can see, the poutine of leadership is a very delicate mix of tough and soft, unique yet familiar and just enough direction to bring it all together into a delectable finished product that caters to the masses.

So, take a minute to identify the components of your passion poutine as a leader and think about how you can put a dish on the table that delights even the toughest of critics.

"There is no passion to be found in playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living" - Nelson Mandela