Changes: Finding stability in unstable times.

As some of you may know, I'm starting a very new challenge/journey in the next few weeks. I'll be leaving my job, leaving the place that I've called home for 8 years, moving to a place that I've never called home, and going to a school where I know nobody. Typing that sentence felt a lot like repeatedly hitting the proverbial panic button... my heart is racing.

So, why the heck am I doing this to myself? I'm not sure. But part of me does believe that there is something beautiful to be discovered under this mound of uncertainty, change and challenge.

Today I want to talk about finding that beauty in the chaos that is change. It's not easy... my goodness it's not easy. During bouts of uncertainty, every sun that rises feels like just another fiery ball that you have to juggle. They say time heals everything ... but when everything is coming at you a mile a minute, time does the exact opposite. 

How do we freeze time? Well, unless we're Jesse Bradford in Clockstoppers, we can't. Instead, the best that we can do is slow down, adapt and enjoy the ride. Easier said than done, right?

So here are a few ways that I've started to find stability in the fun house that is my life right now.

1) Spending time alone. As the most extroverted extrovert in the tri-city area, this is very difficult for me. But more and more, I'm realizing that the moments I get to spend alone provide me with the time and space to actually THINK about what's going on in my life and what I have to be thankful for.

2) Fully experiencing my emotions. This is one that I learned from Tuesdays with Morrie (seriously guys, read it): “If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.” Yeah, what he said. If you feel scared, FEEL IT. If you feel worried, FEEL IT. And always give yourself the time and space to do so (see #1).

3) Lastly, revelling in the little moments. For me, this one is massive. I'm not only leaving a city, but I'm leaving a community, a comfort, people that I love. Now, I'm not going to Mars and I know that I'll be back, but there is something so unsettling about going to a place where if I have an emergency, I have no one to call. So I've been taking time to revel in every little moment ... running into old friends at Starbucks, enjoying a glass (or several glasses) of wine with good friends ... all of those familiar experiences that I take for granted and have taken for granted all of these years.

As the days pass and I near my inevitable big bang of chaos and uncertainty, these are the things that keep me moving, adapting and preparing for the challenges that lie ahead. Chaos is all around us, why not embrace it?

And when in doubt, "I give myself a good cry if I need it, but then I concentrate on all good things still in my life." - Tuesdays with Morrie

Ignite Waterloo: losing control to gain control?

On Tuesday, I participated in an event called Ignite Waterloo, where you have to do a 5 minute speech that involves 20 slides timed for exactly 15 seconds each ... that you can't control.

At the beginning, when I was accepted to speak, I thought that my only problem would be figuring out how to speak for ONLY 5 minutes ... as we all know, I have trouble shutting up at the best of times. But, as I began preparing my speech about childhood wisdom, I realized that the problem wasn't what to say, when to say it or how to say it ... the problem was that I COULDN'T CLICK THE SLIDES MYSELF. It drove me absolutely bananas.

Then, it hit me ... I have serious control issues, that I will blame/thank(?) my father for. For example, during a massage (which, in theory, should be relaxing), my RMT said to me, "You know that you resist me a lot, right? Could you maybe just try to relax?"... then I heard the flush of my $90 going down the toilet. I can't even give control over my back muscles to a REGISTERED PROFESSIONAL for a mere 60 minutes. As my Mom says, I am my father's daughter (context: my Dad doesn't let any of us hold our passports when we go on vacation. My brother is 27 and I am 24 and my mother is well, a mother ... starting to make sense now? Thought so.).

I digress, in a lot of leadership situations, the need for control is an asset. But, as I learned over my past few weeks of presentation prep-induced anxiety, in some situations it can be a colossal hindrance.

So, this leads me to my revelation of the week. Having "control issues" is not a crutch to lean on. It is something that we can use to our advantage in order to regain control of an often overlooked area of leadership: ourselves. Sometimes, to regain control of ourselves as leaders we need to relinquish our control over everything else. As I worked on perfecting my speech to go along with timing that was out of my reach I realized that, without having control over the situation, the only person I could control was myself. Moreover, through relinquishing my situational stronghold, I had the ability to focus solely on my performance and be the best version of ME that I could be in that moment.

Talk about an A! HA!

So this week, my challenge is to relinquish your control and focus on yourself. Let someone else take the reins and see how you adapt. BUT please, don't go all "Jesus, take the wheel" on me ... I can assure you that Carrie Underwood is full of crap. Not only will you surprise yourself with your ability to - very agonizingly, in my case - relinquish control, but you will also surprise yourself with the things that you can learn along the way.

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power." - Lao Tzu

P.S. If you want to see my speech ... here it is!

Sharing is caring: you are what you tweet

For those of you who know me, you won't often see me updating my Facebook status to something laden with sarcasm and political opinions. Well, maybe the sarcasm part. But, I don't really fancy myself as someone who is a politics-buff in any way shape or form.

THAT being said, I do want to comment on what's been going on these past few weeks ... not regarding politics themselves, but mainly about my news feed and Twitter feed. I would like to mention the amazing intellectual and analytical ability that my fellow facebookians/tweeps have. It is truly incredible. Yes, my friends are all geniuses. But seriously, we need to give our generation some credit for being well-informed and actually INTERESTED in what is going on in this world ... I love it. So today, let's think about how we can use this potential to make change and create something meaningful that is bigger than just our social media musings.

Therefore, without further ado, I have come up with a few status updates of my own in response to what has been has been going on with the Presidential debates, as well as Dalton's abrupt resignation.

"Dear Generation,

Hey, it's me ... just wanted to say that you are incredibly eloquent when you put your mind to it. So, I say we focus on communicating with each other in the same intelligent way that we communicate our thoughts and jokes about how Mitt Romney's first name is Mitt. Let's avoid using the power of the internet for bullying and degrading ourselves willingly via photos, self-deprecating jabs and inappropriate comments. Instead, let's prove to everyone else that we, the soon-to-be leaders of this world, have valuable, relevant things to say that worth listening to.

Sincerely,
Let's make Ms Frizzle Proud"

"Talking about the #liberalparty with my intelligent peers! Our valid opinions will be sent to a local party representative repeatedly until we receive a response #takingaction"

We, as a generation, have an incredible amount of power. We have access to the entire world at the drop of a tweet. We can access news and information in such real-time that we know what's happening before the news stations do. Back in the day, when somebody wanted to send a message to thousands of people to get them behind a movement or a cause, they had to WALK and knock on doors to do so. We can now reach thousands in mere seconds through 140 characters and a catchy hashtag.

So today, I want us to think about the power that we have at our fingertips. Yes, continue sharing whatever you would like on FB and Twitter, I'll read it and I'll enjoy it. But also, share your passions, your aspirations and your desire for change. This is my call to action. We are all leaders merely because we have instantaneous access to a massive audience at any time of the day ... let's start using this power for good, for change. We can and we should ... because if we don't, no one will.

In the wonderful words of Gandhi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world".

The Bachelorette: losers, lovers or ... leaders?

I feel that we can all agree on the fact that the Bachelorette can be a fascinating social commentary but, by all intents and purposes, it is BAD... AND it sucks.

Now, I consider myself somewhat well-read and relatively intelligent. So, why the hell do I spend TWO (or three, in this week's case) HOURS watching a show like this every Monday night?

This week, as I sunk lower and lower into my couch for longer than most Bachelorette relationships last, I decided to do something productive ... I started using my brain. Bold move, I know.

I started thinking about how leadership works into the daily interactions of the Bach's men and woman and, surprisingly, I was able to sketch some distinct parallels.

We will begin with Emily. Pretty, sassy, southern Emily. Yes, she has a CHILD and chose to go on the Bachelor/ette not once, but TWICE. Yes, she has done some things to her face that I would not do to my thanksgiving turkey, let alone face. Yes, she has a really hot bod and makes most of us quite jealous. But, aside from all of those dashing qualities, she (or at least the producers' version of her) is quite a leader.

*Disclaimer: I know that the tv version of Emily is most likely nowhere close to the real Emily and I know that reality tv is fabricated ... so please transport yourself to leadership la-la land and go with me.*

Our lovely bachelorette is thrown into a situation where she has literally ALL of the power and is surrounded by 25 men who will do whatever she asks of them ... and, aside from making ten of them awkwardly watch Brave from the balcony of an old theatre, she avoids abusing her power as much as possible. She makes herself vulnerable, comes down to their level, and does her best to make them feel as comfortable as she can - all without making everyone else feel slighted or less important. She is gracious, stands up for what she believes in, and tries to see the good in everyone around her ... even the guy who's occupation is "Party MC" ... I mean, come on. She plays along, laughs at herself and shares her passions. Take the fact that she's on a game show where she dates someone for a total of 17 hours and expects them to be her husband AND the step-father of her child out of the equation, and you've got yourself the description of a pretty fantastic leader.

Now onto our pool of eligible misfits. Are they lovers, losers, or leaders? Well, I can think of a few who come to mind that fit into each of the first two categories but, also, a few who fit into the latter. They are patient, they are vulnerable, they share, they understand when it is important to shut up and listen and they realize when it is important to speak up and take a stand. They fight for the little guy (in this instance, a little girl with a little guy's name), and they do their best to get along in one of the most socially terrifying and catastrophic situations... seriously, they are 25 huge men who live in a house with endless booze and are all fighting for one smokin hot chick... yikes.

So, the moral of the story is, when you're sitting on the couch covered in popcorn shrapnel and feel like your brain is slowly turning into rice pudding, take a second to think critically about what you're exposing yourself to, and try to change the way you see things.

Because, in the end, there is no reality; there is only perception.

Gluten-free leadership: a lesson in adaptability

It was a hot, humid morning in the heart of summer. I had been over-served the night prior (to no fault of my own), and was desperately hustling back from Toronto to Waterloo, in hopes of making it to an appointment on time. My head ached, my voice had taken the day off, my throat was dry and my stomach was grumbling ... Then, like an oasis in the Sahara, the beautiful plastic sign that reads "Always Fresh. Always Tim Horton's." appeared on the horizon. With a raspy sigh of relief, I wheeled into the parking lot and bounded (lightly) through the door, ready to satisfy my need for an unnecessary amount of caffeine and a yummy breakfast.

Then it hit me, like the Cuervo that I was too friendly with the night before ... I can't think of a single gluten-free item on this menu.

W.T.F. Tim Horton's?

This leads me to my thought of the day regarding the importance of being adaptable and understanding the needs of those around you. Yes, some of you may think that us non-gluten-eaters are weak and will be weeded out by evolution. Yes, most of you who know me ridicule me on a regular basis about my inferior stomach strength. But, no matter what, none of you can disagree with the fact that more and more people today are becoming intolerant to gluten and, to be successful, restaurants are going to need to adapt.

Just as I am going to write a concerned letter laden with exaggeration and emotional outbreaks to someone in a leadership position at Tim Horton's, I urge you to write the same letter to yourself (or just think about it... whatever works).

Are you paying attention to the changing circumstances of the environment around you?
Are you offering leadership that every member of your team can access and enjoy?
Are you soliciting honest and real feedback from your subordinates, teammates, supervisors... and then acting on this feedback?
Are you truly providing the best leadership service that you can to everyone that deserves it?
Are you in tune with the needs of everyone around you? Are you in tune with your own needs?

Think about it.

Every day, something changes ... is your ear close enough to the ground that you will be able to sense the change? I'd like to share with you something that a student leader said to me that really hit home - I asked him what leadership quality was the most important when leading a team ... and he turned to me and said,

"To lead a community, you must be a part of that community."

Now, I'm not saying that the CEO of Tim Horton's needs to stop eating gluten. But, I am saying that he needs to empathize with his customers who can't, and work to understand and meet their needs.

All in all, leadership is just as much leading a group of people as it is understanding and joining that group of people. People won't understand your vision if you don't understand theirs. People won't work to reach your goals if you don't work to reach theirs. People won't eat your gluten if you don't try to stop eating gluten (okay, that one was a stretch ... but hopefully you get my point). It is essential that you are not only in-tune with the needs of those around you, but that you are also willing to adapt to those needs whenever the situation calls for it.

So, with that ... I leave you with this ...

Do you offer gluten-free leadership?