Thursday, 27 September 2012

The top ten BEST ways to lose your leadership credibility on homecoming weekend

Happy eve of homecoming eve everyone! In honour of homecoming (for many schools) this weekend, I would like to share my version of a David Letterman top ten (please picture me gap-toothed ... not very hard for those who knew me pre-braces ... as a pre-teen, you could've driven a truck through the space between my front teeth).

Now, as I know that most people will be indulging in a few sodas, let's talk about all of the things that we can do to lose our leadership credibility this weekend and, well, any time we are off the clock.

10. Be THAT guy. At any event - be it homecoming, the office holiday party, your nephew's bar mitzvah -there is always ONE guy that everyone talks about the next day. If you want to lose your leadership credibility, be THAT guy. Put the proverbial lampshade on your head. Break everything in sight. Do NOT hold back.

9. Be awful at small talk. Listen carefully ... this is essential if you want to kick your credibility to the ground. As you will be reuniting with a lot half-friends-half-acquaintances-half-people-you-don't-recognize-but-probably-made-out-with this weekend, make sure that you suck at small talk. Avoid being excited to see them, asking them about their life, or even better, pretend you don't remember them. This will definitely knock your credibility down a few notches. Do everything in your power to shave a few people off your network ... I mean seriously, networking is for idiots anyways... right?

8. Yell profanities. A sure-shot way to toss your reputation in the gutter is by having a potty mouth. The football game is a perfect location to let your terrible tongue loose ... particularly when yelling at the other team. Don't hold back, those varsity athletes who are probably fitter, smarter and better looking than you DEFINITELY deserve it.

7. Talk to as many university staff members as possible. If swearing like a sailor didn't do it, this definitely will. Make sure you've played an unreasonable amount of flip cup, then approach as many university staff members as you can find and tell them about all of your ideas to improve your alma mater ... starting with your GENIUS idea about replacing all classes with a school-wide, year-long beer pong tournament.

 6. Take your pants off.

5. Or, alternatively - Rip your pants right in the crotch area, and then keep them on.

4. Get stopped by campus police or, even better, regional police. Nothing says "I'm a tool and no one should ever hire me" like getting into it with an officer of the law. Extra points if you hit on them in the process.

3. Be the reason why people are chanting something disgusting. For example, "EAT-THE-POOP! EAT-THE-POOP". This one needs no explanation.

2. Misplace your shoes before noon.

And .... the number one BEST way to lose your credibility on homecoming weekend isssss...

1. Fall asleep in public. Extra deductions go to anyone who does so prior to sundown.

So there it is, the top ten ways to lose every ounce of dignity you have in a matter of 2 days. Please do not do any of these things this weekend and ... Please, for the sake of your future, think twice before you eat the poop.

Happy homecoming!

"It takes twenty years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." - Warren Buffett

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